Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
the day after is always just damage control
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
