Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm just crazy horny about you
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
