Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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