New invention idea: vibrating tampons
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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