the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
