Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
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