Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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