Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
im having a threesome with these popsicles
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
