i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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