i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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