can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
