im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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