Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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