she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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