On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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