Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
