I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize