sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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