I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
