My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
