Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
