I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
