Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
