Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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