Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
