OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
