Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
