Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I party with great urgency now.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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