I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
