new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
