these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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