Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
