Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
