I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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