i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
