I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
