Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
