maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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