Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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