she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
What changed your mind?
Being sober
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
