forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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