i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
