my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I use my feet as sexual weapons
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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