I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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