so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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