I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
