maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
