Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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