I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
