Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
