Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize