hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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