She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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