I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
