Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
