Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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