My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
