I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize