idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
