We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
