Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
