So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
