She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
