I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
