I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
