Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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