I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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