worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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