I swear she didn't look like that last week.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
