How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
