Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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