This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Randomize
