based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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