i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
